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When we were little boys and girls, many of us imagined what it would be like for us when we were adults. Regardless of whether or not both of our parents were in the home, most of us fantasized about having perfect, adult lives when we were children.
Two parents.
Two kids and a dog.
A “nice” house and car.
What we did not imagine was the image posted above these words.
All Of Us Have Imagined “The Dream Life” At Some Point…
Being a father, alone, was not the dream when we were children…even if we saw it in our own homes…
…and the reason for this is simple; humans were designed for connection and, in our minds, the ultimate example of a “connected” life was a family with both parents under one roof.
I mean no slight to ANYONE whose family was not built on this ideal…but I do want to acknowledge that innocence sees the ideal while maturity experiences the reality.
Reality might be getting pregnant just out of college and having the father decide that he doesn’t want to actually BE a father.
Reality can be waking up one day and learning that the person who you married no longer wants to be married, OR that that person is actually not the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with, and nothing can make you stay…
…not even your long-held faith in your God.
So…what can you choose in the face of all of this reality?
You can make a decision.
Let Me Be Clear…Your Decisions Are Meant To Change And Help YOU, But They Might Not Create Change In Your Partner
Many, many relational challenges can be helped with just a few things: forgiveness, mercy, acceptance, honest communication, and unconditional love.
You can choose to forgive both yourself AND your partner and hold no grudges.
You can commit to offering mercy – to yourself and to your partner. People are not perfect. All of us are only human.
You can learn to accept that whatever is is whatever it is, and it is designed to create growth of some type in you and potentially your partner. Your expansion and growth ALWAYS matter!
h…and you can choose to love unconditionally.You can be passionately honest and request the same from your partner…
…and you can choose to love unconditionally.
While certain actions demand a response that we or our parters might not enjoy very much, unconditional love gives you both the ability to talk through and to work through just about anything.
To be clear, I am not condoning abusive relationships or addiction!
What I am saying is that many issues in relationships can be solved by treating others in the way that you want to be treated, by loving unconditionally, by forgiving yourself and your partner, and by both of you offering mercy to one another.
Still…the most important work begins with you. You cannot choose for another person to do anything…but you CAN choose what you do!
Once You Start Doing The Work Required For Healing, You Can Work On Igniting The Passion Once More…
There are so many things needed in order to have a deep, passionate connection with another human being, and one of the primary requirements is alone time, together.
If you rarely spend quality time alone with your spouse or partner, your relationship cannot be in an optimal state. Your quality alone time can include sex, talking, quiet time, and shared, non-sexual activities.
Accepting and embracing the things that please your partner goes a long way.
You’d be amazed at how much reciprocity can come from your actions, alone.
It Is Natural To Want To Self-Protect, But It Is Also Counter-Productive To Do So!
You might be wondering if giving yourself so completely is worth it. Maybe you have been hurt by circumstances in your current relationship or even relationships in the past.
The truth is that most of us have….but if it’s not abuse and it’s not addiction, challenges can be overcome by changing both your mindset and your actions. You will both need to listen generously to one another.
If you are open to learning and if you are willing to stop blaming your spouse or partner for all the problems in your relationship, there is always hope.
The first step is for you to cut out all your stories and justifications. Both of you will need to do this.
If you can choose to be present, the love of your dreams could be just a little bit of work away. Remember…the love of your dreams is an inside job.
