You spent your entire childhood learning that there is one key to success. Pleasing other people.
Performing and managing your parents behavior and mood. Behaving just right for your teacher. Doing the things that earn the continual friendship of others.
Pleasing others became your chief operating system before you could form coherent sentences and use a toilet. And then you spent years perfecting your exact system. Refining it for who you were with and what they expected.
Have you put childish things behind you?
Is what you do reliant on how it may please someone else?
We all have varying degrees of this, so you’re not alone.
1) The person that wants to please EVERYONE.
The stranger at the grocery store. The work associate’s, associate. The wife’s old boss. The distant cousin that you haven’t seen since 5th grade. The Facebook friend that knows so much about parenting.
2) The person who doesn’t worry about certain people. (Just the people who qualify).
You know – the people that you look up to. The people that have it all together. How can you make sure they think PLEASING thoughts of you? That they approve?
If they don’t have it together – who cares.
But the people that do? We can’t handle them thinking less of us.
So we perform and put on a show that they will applaud.
3) The person that is sick of trying to please others – so they give the world the finger.
Shock and awe campaigns announce their “freedom” from the tyranny of what other people think.
Little communities of rebels are formed, and adults re-live teen angst all over again.
The most ironic thing about this group? They are still being controlled by what other people think. They are still a reaction to what others think and feel. The reaction is just the opposite of pleasing.
The kid programming won’t get you anywhere.
It’s a broken cycle.
And when adults try to please other adults, it feels icky. It feels disingenuous. And most importantly – it destroys your ability to be a person of integrity.
Here is the thing about motivation.
Once you realize you are powerful beyond measure…
And once you embrace WHO you are – and learn how to be YOU wherever you go…
You feel amazing. Your life slips into more ease and flow. You start leading. You start inspiring. You start loving each moment.
And you don’t CARE about others approval or disapproval.
But until you learn how to do this?
You’ll feel trapped. Overwhelmed. Uninspired and uninspiring. You’ll follow. And you won’t love your life.
Because it’s FAKE.
You aren’t being YOU.
You’re being who you think THEY think you should or shouldn’t be.
You don’t make decisions aligned with what you think and feel. Where you have peace and joy.
You make your decisions based on what you IMAGINE other people think and feel.
And the worst part?
They don’t even KNOW. They are too busy living their life based on what will please you or someone else.
If the motive of your motivation is to please others…I bet you are living a rather unhappy life.
There is only one person qualified to make decisions for your life at the end of the day.
And when you give up that responsibility – you give up your capacity to love life.
Let YOU be the motive of your motivation. Not them.