What I’m going to tell you might hurt a bit.
It may challenge some things that you feel deeply about. Things that have helped you.
Just read until the end and hear me out.
These 4 words are clues that you believe yourself to be a victim.
The truth is this. Within the entire context of who you are and what you are capable of, these words have little impact or meaning.
And the ideas that go with them can be damaging.
I thought I procrastinated and didn’t finish things. So I did.
I thought I was shy and introverted. So I was.
I thought I was an INTJ and a “D”. So I was.
I thought I disliked the heat and cold. So I did.
I thought I was a Projector. So I was.
I thought I was a Giver. So I was.
The Personal Growth industry loves to place people into boxes.
So do I.
I think it’s a favor for my mind. It’s easier to manage.
And let’s be honest. My favorite topic in life is me. Just like your favorite topic is you.
(If you don’t believe me here is a little test. When you look at a group photo you’re in, who do you look at first? Who do you look at the longest?)
And since I’m my favorite topic…
I also tell myself that the more I “learn” about myself, the more I can BE myself.
Ha ha ha. How cute.
That’s the opposite of being.
Being doesn’t learn how.
It just is.
The lions don’t read about about how to be a lion.
The child doesn’t read about how to walk or talk.
The tree doesn’t read about how to be a tree.
And here we are…obsessed with learning how to “be”.
And no. I’m not saying they’re bad…
You have the “normal” ones.
I’ve loved and learned a tremendous amount from the Kolbe. Enneagram. Myers Briggs. Strengthsfinder. DISC. (and others…)
And then the “woo-woo” ones.
Energy Typing. Redemptive Gifts. Human Design. Akashic Records. Astrology. Wealth Dynamics.
And all these tools can be extremely powerful as insights into ourselves. They support self awareness and understanding. They help us see why we may behave the way we do – and uncover subconscious motivations. They give us something to consider and explore.
They also help us increase in empathy, as we see models and patterns for why other people behave the way they do. Which in turn, brings understanding. Understanding more powerful than acceptance.
Some of my biggest mindset shifts in life have come from these tools, and I’m grateful.
And as a coach, I’m skilled in most of these. I know which ones can serve, how they can serve, and when they can serve.
But something comes before all that personality, type, design, and sign stuff.
And we forget it.
We are creators!
This goes beyond a mental construct. Because you cannot help but create a response to your environment. You’re doing it in this moment.
Do you know the power of your “mind”, “emotions” and “spirit?” When those three things converge powerfully on a belief – game on. That belief becomes truth for you.
But the secret? You get to create that truth moment by moment.
Consider this. How many people have DRASTICALLY changed their personality at some point in their life? Nearly everyone. It changes from daily discipline. From Trauma. From associations. It changes from events. From war. From depression. It changes from priorities. From love. From Cancer. Teens are amazing at it. High stake scenarios also are catalysts for new personalities.
You see it happen every week on the screen – tv shows, movies…
And if you know someone with multiple personalities? You can see how powerful human creative ability can be right in front of you. The mind is so powerful, people can create completely different self concepts to cope with pain. Different mannerisms. Different voices. Different attitudes.
Here is the point.
All your ideas about your “personality” are only mental constructs.
And usually, in one’s search for “self” we forget that each moment is a new creation. Each moment is a new opportunity.
So we go through life “learning” about ourselves so we can be us. And then subjecting ourselves to what we think we’ve learned.
But what about going through life trusting ourselves and creating?
Most of the boxes we build are complete nonsense. Because they’re static. They are limiting the limitless. Defining of the undefinable. A frozen, 4×4 inch, 2d snapshot of a galaxy hurtling through space. The galaxy of you.
Don’t let your mental construct of “your personality” define you.
Yes. Our brain likes to simplify the complicated. It likes to sort and categorize. It likes to find “causes” and “effects”. It likes to think that people don’t change. That you can’t change.
And more than anything…it likes to use past experiences as limitations on future creations.
But you’re not your brain.
And I see far too many people playing victim to their so called personality.
Sure. How you define that personality varies.
For some it’s strengths and weaknesses based on past experience or Strengths Finder. Or the Myers Briggs, Kolbe or DISC test. Maybe it’s the stars, planets and moon. Or “readings”.
It could be as simple as what your parents use to say…
“You’re sooo shy!”
“You’re so hard-headed”
There are a thousand ways we decide to accept or reject our own mental construct of our personality.
And it can easily be toxic.
You can build boxes around your identity. Limit your creative capacity. And play smaller than you are.
Of course, you can say “that’s just the way I am”. Or you can blame your attitude, struggle and constriction on the stars or planets. Or your genes. Or your “strengths” and “weaknesses”. Or your childhood. Or your Myers Briggs type. Or generational curses or blessings. Or whatever…
But what if there wasn’t anything to blame?
What if you’re only exercising your creative abilities to build your truth and live by it?
What if you didn’t adopt what others said. What a chart said. Or what a test said …and started to believe you can recreate yourself in whatever you want. Moment by moment.
What if all the times you told yourself:
“I’m stuck because…”
“I’m struggling because…”
“I can’t do that because…”
or “well no wonder, it’s because of…”
You demanded a better truth. The truth that you can change your personality in a heartbeat, and LOVE it.
The truth that you can do something differently. You can smile. You can dress down. You can dress up. You can walk instead of run. Or run instead of walk. You can go out instead of stay in. Or stay in instead of go out. You can find joy in dancing instead of standing. Or cuss instead not. You can scream instead of sing. Or sing instead of talk. You can act shy, or act loud. You can talk fast or talk slow.
And what you DO can support what you feel.
You can do it all. Change it all. Be it all. Feel it all. Right now.
Will it alway be comfortable? Heck no.
But it’s always possible.
And here is the secret.
Your brain will change your concept of your “personality”.
Because your “personality” is just your made up mental box anyway. When you change your behavior, you change your personality.
So stop pretending you’re conscious and then playing victim. Stop living your life according to the “personality” boxes you’ve let define you. Stop believing the stuff that doesn’t serve you.
You’re so much more than a personality.
You are undefinable. Your reach is limitless. And every moment of everyday, you can change. You can behave differently than the stories you tell yourself you are. You can dream differently. Act differently. You can recreate your own idea (and the world’s idea) of you in each moment.
…if you let go of the mental identity you’ve grown so fond of.
The power isn’t in the stuff.
The power is because you believe what you decided to believe about the stuff.
Which means your belief works.
USE THIS FACT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
I’m having a funeral for my personality. Your personality is invited.
To your creation in this moment…and the next.
May it never be stagnate.
May it never limit what is possible.
And may it always be fulfilling.
- Jonathan Heston